Saturday, February 19, 2011

Leave Your Things Behind 'Cause It's All Going Off Without You

I've been thinking a lot about resentment(s). We've been talking about it a lot with our clients. Most resentments are fueled by anger that has not been unleashed, forgotten, etc. It's amazing what people will hold onto, keep a grudge over. Resentments lead to relapse. Anger leads to unhappiness. This led me to think about past relationships (romantic and platonic) that I've had that still cause me to be angry from time to time.

So what does it mean when you are extremely happy in your life, but things, people, or situations from the past just seem to still piss you off? Does this mean that you actually care what that person thinks of you? Or that you care what those people at school said? It doesn't have to be limited to relationships. It can be a job, a church, an organization, whatever.

I decided to play a little game of Russian Roulette with my BlackBerry and called some people to see if I had "let go" of anything. Usually, I would get angry just dialing the number. I would be flooded with emotion about all the arguments, lies, knowing that person was still lying after all this time, etc.

I've been really trying to work at an honest program lately and decided to Let Go and Let God about this situation and give all of my anger to my Higher Power. I was sick of trying to be in control. I know better than that! Sick of feeling negative. Sick of relishing in the anger of the past and not reveling in the pleasantries of the present. 

So when I picked up the phone, this time was different. It was like magic...
  
I suddenly didn't care. I was so comfortable with myself that I didn't care about everything that had transpired in the past. I finally stopped being angry and made the conscious decision to always live in the present. I didn't care about that two years of my life. I didn't care about what had happened in the past. What was I even mad about? I just wanted to look forward, always.

Letting go ends up being the best decision you can make. Letting go of negativity, anger, denial, etc. It brings so much clarity. Don't hold onto things that hurt you. Don't hold a grudge because you think it will make that other person change. It never does and it never matters anyway. If you're always worrying about the future or focusing too much about what happened in the past, you're not living up to your full potential TODAY.

The point: just let go.

xoxox

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Pour Myself a Cup of Ambition

So I had this conversation through Facebook chat with one of my best friends a week or so ago and she brought up a good point:

"I think the weirdest thing about being in the real world is that for four years and your whole life for that matter you are told "GO follow your dreams" blah blah blah but nobody tells you that even when you follow your dreams there are bad days at work and it may not always be what u thought it'd be, ya know? Just weird."

Often times, we build up a situation or a choice in our minds and place unrealistic expectations onto it that can sometimes be so disappointing. I've gone through this quite a number of times in my short 24 (almost 25) years of existence. Sometimes you want something to work so much, but it's not in the cards.  I wanted to be an actress for most of my life. I acted in high school, took summer workshops, performed in some shows in college, and was ready to hit the road and bounce from company to company and perform as much as possible. But I realized something after we closed Urinetown my Junior year, "I freaking hate theatre." Don't get me wrong, I've done tons of stuff with local theaters and have had a great time, but I suddenly realized that I no longer wanted to live "an actor's life." I didn't want to bounce around. I wanted to settle down. [A lot of this had to do with a boy, but that's another blog post.] So, I started teaching after graduation. I didn't like that either and ended up going back to school and becoming a therapist.

My point: There is no "life manual." How many times have you set your mind to do something or "be" something and it didn't have all the bells and whistles you thought it would? Sometimes we realize that maybe we didn't make the right choice; maybe it's time to choose a new career or a new partner.

But what if you just had a bad day? When you have a bad day at your dream job, what do you do about it? We all have bad days; no matter what. Just remember to find the joy in what you're doing. Find what moves you. Remember that even though today may suck, it's still the place that you'd rather be.

That can extend to any aspect of your life: relationships, religion, etc. If it's worth it (and it usually is), remind yourself what brought you to that decision in the first place. Always fight for what you love. (Unless it's harming you or someone else. Okay, that's the counselor in me talking.)

And if that doesn't work? When one door closes...another one opens.

Just keep swimming.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Preface

Why am I writing a blog? And more importantly, why on earth should you be interested in what I have to say? Well, here it is: I'm 24, engaged and planning a wedding, in recovery, and about to finish graduate school. So, naturally, I'm freaking out about this sudden advancement into adulthood. For those reading this that know me, this is a pretty hysterical time to be around me. I've completely lost my filter (somewhere in a pile of wedding magazines I imagine) and finally don't care about how I will possibly be judged or perceived.

I can tell that you really want to read this after I've said all that. (Go ahead and assume the sarcasm there.) Here goes nothing. I'm at a really wonderful place in my life, but there are things that I desperately want to learn, complain about, get advice on, and simply awe at. Lucky for me (and you, I guess), I'm not ashamed to say anything.

Still nothing? Okay, this is a blog about my life and the beautiful people in it. Music, books, articles, and various topics will be explored.

I can guarantee that this blog will mirror the many aspects of my personality and range from funny to sad to angry to etc.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

xoxox,

Leslie